October 31

October 30

October 29

Time is Eternity

Finally, proof.

October 28

October 27

October 26

October 25

October 24

October 23

In somnia

It is 12:45 AM... I have been in bed an hour with my eyes wide open, my mind racing. I was tired earlier, but I had some files to prepare for class tomorrow, and that seems to have woken me up. It is very dark. The house is cold. I am downstairs because poor J can do nothing but snore right now, and I am liable to smother him (even though I would be wide awake without the noise too). The cats are here, sleeping in the living room. I like to sleep here sometimes, so maybe it will help. I don't know why: I have the most uncomfortable couch.

Why am I awake? Is it simply the perils of doing work before bed? Am I more nervous about my show than I let on? How about that crazy article about me on the website?

There are all these details I am fixing in my head. "What about this?" my left brain asks. "That is the best suggestion so far!" my right brain squeals. Then, "you should talk to so-n-so tomorrow about this other thing." "Oh, you're right! I hope I don't forget!!" Then my other brain, possibly the hippocampus? pips up and says, "none of this will matter if you get no sleep and are a zombie tomorrow! I won't remember anything then!!"

I set my phone alarm, in case I fall asleep before returning to bed. I have a terrible headache too.

October 22

October 21

October 20

October 19

October 18

Falling on Quiet Ears

Poem

October 17

Fall

There are a lot of leaves on the ground.
They fall like rain from the sky, but golden and soft.
I have sleeping eyes... is it time to hole up for winter?

October 16

October 15

October 14

Imagination

I was picturing selling all the furniture, packing all the books into storage, buying a boat and taking a year off to sail around the world with J and two cats. No, I have never sailed, but this seems a minor set-back. Yes, I have an Internet addiction, but this too could be overcome. Where would I go? I don't care. Miles of horizon, nose-running wind, and untainted quiet are calling to me. What would I do? I don't care. Read. Write beautiful little poems. Count the waves. Perhaps I would practice not speaking for a month. Could you imagine? What kinds of things would I start to think? What kind of art would I make?

October 13

Snowball full of turds

A tragedy occurred on our campus recently, and it has affected segments of our community in a variety of ways. Some feel their mortality, the fragility of their perceived youthful power and vitality. Some feel ambivalent, as the victim seems to have been a loner, an angry person, a self-destructive lost soul (all rumors). Many are afraid. Fingers are being pointed by everyone, at everyone. Who's fault is it? Who will take the fall? Is it because of this tradition or that precedent? This can be changed, but that cannot because it will infuriate the donors/alumni. It seems all of the outcomes involve innocent people getting hurt and blamed.

All of it is very frustrating. I have my own opinions too, of course, but what good are they? I remember my own college experience as being safer, more open minded, more intelligent, more diverse, but it cannot be replicated here.

There is also the economy (another terrible debacle of 'what happened' and 'who's fault is it') and the upcoming presidential election (that seems to have brought out the very worst in everyone).

These are the three most common conversations right now. At the same time, we have just finished the theatrical production of "The Inspector General," a story of greed, corruption, selfishness, and finger pointing, as well as alcohol abuse. I don't know if I am the only one who saw it as hitting too close to home in the current climate.

October 12

October 11

October 10

October 9

October 8

October 7

October 6

October 5

October 4

October 3

October 2

latest FAQ

Dear KSW,
How have you been? What have you been up too? Missing you lots & lots!
Luv,
ES

Dear ES,
I hate to sound like I am complaining, so I have been a little quiet. Let me preface your reply with the fact that I am very happy in general (maybe not overall). My days have been hectic and it is hard to express them without sounding generally overwhelmed.

I think I will start with my schedule, then perhaps it will make some sense.
Monday. 9AM - arrive @ work for office hours and class prep
11:45 - meeting through lunch (eat crackers from office drawer)
1 - 4. - class
4 - 6. - oversee student assistant
6 pm - 7 - more crackers at desk, prepare for tomorrow's class
7 - 10 - play rehearsal
10 - 11 - see J, finish class prep
12am - 6 am sleep
Tuesday
6-7 hit snooze button futiley. Go to work without shower
7-8 prep for class
8-11 class
11-12 meet with students and staff (could last through lunch till 5!)
12-2 sometimes nap. In office chair.
3-4 office hours and grading
4-6 student assistant
4-5:30. Meetings
7-10 play
Same evening.
Wednesday
Same as Monday
Thursday
Same as Tuesday without meeting, but add independent study student
Friday
Was supposed to be art studio day. Becomes meeting day, student assistant, pick up day.

I have barely finished projects as deadlines approach. I am also looking for a job for next year. Trying to have friends (frankly, the category I used to sacrifice first; now, I sacrifice sleep instead). Still haven't finished my video. Today a man who normally gives me lots of compliments said "you look terrible!" My allergies look like flu syptoms right now. It is only a matter of time before everything shuts down.

Kind of like the economy?

October 1