A letter I received

"Dear KSW,
... We regret to inform you that you are not the recipient of this year's grant. But of the thousands of images that we looked at, we found yours to be of exceptional quality. We would encourage you to send us your work in the future...."

What does it all mean?

I'm out there

I just found a picture of me on a website. It is a website I didn't know about, but was excited to find. Then, there at the bottom, is a picture of me. Like it knew I was coming and would want to be there. And it was waiting.

Sound Experiment 1

Little Fly,
Thy summer's play
My thoughtless hand
Has brushed away.

Am not I
A fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?

For I dance
And drink, and sing,
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.

If thought is life
And strength and breath
And the want
Of thought is death;

Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live,
Or if I die.

-- William Blake

Virtual Reality Politics

Performing the Academic

In case you didn't know it is beautiful here.

I hope it is also beautiful there.

twenty-five days

Dear J,

It has been twenty-five days since I have seen you. This is the longest we have been apart since we met, August 20th 2004.

The second longest was twenty-one days in September 2005. There was an amazing thunder storm that month. The clouds rolled in slowly and turned pink in the sunset. All the neighbors came out of their houses and marveled at it. As the sun set, an incredible rainbow appeared before the storm that rocked the house that night. I made a picture of that cloud. I will remember it forever.

Now, it has been raining for four days. The news man said there were 4800 lightening strikes yesterday alone. There is no sun, so there has been no rainbow to soften the blows.

While you have been gone, I have gone about my business. I work at my job. I work on my art. I am fairly prolific. I cook meals. I answer emails and phone calls. I clean the house. I can't help feeling the whole time, however, that I am waiting.

After meeting you, I finally discovered the ultimate way to sleep, a position in which my body is completely comfortable. I lie one my stomach, my left knee bent in the crook of your knee, and my arm around you and holding you against me. I have always loved to sleep on my stomach, but weight or allergies or age have made it difficult to breath comfortably in the last ten or so years. With my arm around you, however, I breath comfortably, and I am warm throughout the night. This seems to be the best position for you too-- if I remove my arm, you begin to snore and be fitful. This is what works for us. It's how we both breath through the night.

I haven't figured out how to sleep alone again. Nothing is comfortable except lying on my belly. I toss and turn. I go from the left to the right side of the bed. The house shakes in the storms, and the weight of the blankets needed to fend off the cold crushes me.

I wanted to you know I realized something. I can live without you. I just can't breath without you. Come home soon.

K

Life with a basement

"It is easy to laugh about it now, in the safety of being anywhere other than a basement."

Violence

"When my son was little, he used to say 'No!' So I would say 'Do you want to get your butt paddled?!' He'd say 'NO!' I'd say 'Then you better take out the garbage."

Proof of Life

Still here. Still alive.

Proof of Life

The rumors of the cold have been greatly exaggerated

Downtown -- Don't Blink

Yesterday was beautiful and sunny, so we went downtown to explore and take some photographs. I am compiling the first set into a panorama image.

The town is quiet. Shops that could or should be open are not. The jeweler and pawn shop close at 3 on Saturdays, the coffee shop at 6. Most of the store fronts are empty, the upper floors boarded up or in obvious disrepair (with a few exceptions). I find little clues about the town's past and I am fascinated. How did it go from a thriving downtown to a ghost town? There are people living here. Why are they hiding?

There used to be a luxury hotel and a trolley. There were four photographic studios (from what I can tell). And at the end of the street, there is a mammoth five story building, covered in white and copper-green terra-cota tiles, an elaborate tile mosaic floor in a lobby just past a rotating glass door, from which you can see the grand banister of the sweeping staircase. This landmark is the "Ben Hur Life" building, constructed in the early twentieth century by the Tribe of Ben Hur, a fraternal organization (one of the only ones based on a fictional book). The fire escape stairs go all the way to the ground, so we climbed this silent monolith and peered into the windows of each floor-- quiet, empty, abandoned.

Google reveled this article, dated from almost five years ago, dubbing this an endangered historic landmark, and proclaiming it would soon be rescued. The article is filled with hope about the value of past monuments. My visit to the building showed something went very very wrong.

On a lighter note, we attended our first soirée last evening at a fellow faculty's home. It is such a relief to communicate with others-- we are such social beasts.

The Artist in the Studio

Hope you are as amused by my 'artist-at-work' face as I am.

Guess what we found in the dining room when we got home tonight?

Where are the other six pieces?

There has been quite a lot going on this week I have wanted to digest and post here. However it is a lot of work to process events emotionally, then respond to them conceptually. I am working on a couple projects to post here, art made just for this blog. I am still processing how a blog can be art-- it is a work in progress. I am looking forward to seeing its transformation. Thank you, my faithful followers, for your patience.

Country Company

We had a lovely dinner today at a restaurant in the middle of what seemed like a void in the universe (it was that dark). It seems like there are places in the country that hide and hide and hide, then suddenly pop out and surprise us. The menu was inspiring in its unexpected variety, particularly the specials and sea food. I opted for beef, as it was more likely an Indiana native than the salmon. Not that I have something against Indianans and want to eat them. Dessert was homemade apple-mint ice cream. If it had the Ghiradelli chocolate chips, then it would have been perfect! This spring they are opening a new bar next to the pond, complete with sunset-sandpit-dancing.

Today, I got my Miranda July book in the mail. I saw it in stores when it first came out, then it disappeared. The internet delivered it for me, my only resource regardless of where I live!

I started another window video today, but the window kept icing over. It wasn't worth keeping, even though we had very cute squirrel races in the backyard. I will come up with something else, or figure out how to fix the window ice problem.

It was a not-uncomfortable 24 degrees today. Well, 9 when we woke up, but I don't go outside when there is only one number.

Another beautiful day

Extra points if you spot the mammals.

Cold Morning

Cat pics

My brother requested cat pictures. How can one not strive to please a little brother?

Finally!

I am a little embarrassed about how excited I was about a mall in the last entry. I think this is what happens to you when you go from having so many choices to only one-- choices you didn't used to like become more appealing just for the freedom they represent!

We watched the second Matrix movie the other day, during which the hero is confronted by the idea of whether choice indicated freedom, or only presented options from within the system of control one is trapped within. I think about this system in the process of our move. I wanted to be more independent of the system, and yet when my choices are knocked back, I feel desperate! I am planning on continuing this blog for a while, and these are themes I plan to tease out more during this process.

Here it is the New Year, 2008. Yesterday, I turned my little webcam outside for the first sunny day since we have lived here. We went for a walk in our backyard (complete with woods, creek, horses, and a herd of deer) and marveled at our closeness with nature. This morning, my webcam video kicked on at first light and caught the same old shed as yesterday, but this time with a lovely new year's surprise. It took up something like 50 GB of my computer to make this. Enjoy the video!

This represents about 24 hours (minus night) in 35 seconds.

I didn't raise the screen until about half way through the afternoon, and the cat moved the camera a couple times.

I like the brief moving shadows the most; if you look carefully, you can see the clouds flying by in the distance. The sun sets and you see the two times the car was in the driveway with the headlights on. The sun rises with snow already falling. Then the windows (regular and storm window) started fogging up , so you see me clean it. The rising level of snow is very subtle.